Rissa 365

From about 2000-2007 I had bad depression. I had been on medication for it the whole time. Around 2004, I met this guy. We fell in love, more me than him, and we went out for a total of a weekend. He ended it by telling me that he was gay. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but it did. I got angry at myself and at him. I punched a concrete wall, breaking two knuckles and spraining my wrist, and tried to cut myself. I went into my Father’s room, who was home at the time, and asked him to remove the knives from the kitchen and the razors from the bathroom. He laughed at me. So I went and took some Valium and turned on the song Blue & Yellow by The Used. I had been lying in my room for about four hours before I realized that I had to do something. So I called my Mom. She came home from work and took me to the ER. They kept me overnight and had me talk to someone. That lady came to my house and met with my parents on how to deal with this. I called her everyday for a month before I was deemed stable. Then I went back to school. Everyone had heard. My best friend at the time made a big deal about checking my wrists for cuts and such. Me & the guy avoided each other for a couple of days and eventually became friends again. Within the next year I would try several times to reach out to the people around me. My Mom tried to have me put in an institution three more times, have me see at least ten counselors, therapists, psychiatric doctors, ect, and I would be on more than thirty types of medication for bi-polar, depression, manic depression, anxiety, and sleeping disorders before the war was over in 2007. I now live a mostly normal life of an art student following her dreams to happiness.

I’ve had my fair share of run ins with religion.

I was raised within the Catholic and Nazarene churches.
I went to church every Sunday until I was about 10.
I think that’s when my parents started hating each other.
I wanted to go to church sometimes in Junior High and would go by myself.
Then I eventually quit. We always went to Mass on Christmas though.
Then my parents tried to put my brothers and myself in Catholicism classes while I was in high school. This was also when I was going through the biggest, deepest depression ever. So needless to say, that didn’t work out very well.
For a couple of years now when people ask me about it, I tell them, “God. Not church.”
I think churches at this point in time, only want money and how many members they can get.
They don’t really care about it’s people.
When they get their stuff straight, which I doubt they can do in the time that we live in, I’ll go back.

Despise both.

I’ve always thought that drugs were something that impulsive teenagers got into to look cool and if they got addicted enough, it would be carried into their adult lives. I do consider prescription medication drugs if not used as directed, or without the prescription in said persons name. I also consider Marijuana a drug. I consider tobacco to be a drug. I don’t like any of it.

As for alcohol, drinking socially, I think might be appropriate, but not to the point of getting tipsy or drunk. Drinking at a lecture or a gallery opening or something should be okay if you are in control. I used to drink, so I know what I’m talking about. You have two kinds of drinkers. The funny, showoff ones and the depressed ones. I was the depressed one. It’s not funny or cool. It’s sad, actually. There should be no reason, how great or how small, to indulge in things like that. I don’t care how messed up your life is, if your girlfriend left you, if you got hit by a car today, whatever. They are all excuses that you make up in your mind to justify doing something that is wrong.

As for myself, I have given up my past and have become straight edge. These are now my views and I plan to stick to them. When I turned 21, nothing happened. I went out and had a great day with my Mom and friend, Ethan. That’s it. My friends wanted me to go downtown to the bars and such and I told them no. It’s just not for me. None of it.

(It’s tomorrow.)

In ten years I see myself either 1) having a great job that I am happy doing or 2) getting my masters. I’ve always wanted to be out of school, but it just seems realistic right now to go get that extra degree. Just in case I wanted to teach some day.
If I’m working, fine. I can see myself in Chicago, LA, or NYC. Nashville isn’t half bad either. I’ve come to love this city.
I just want to make sure that the job that I acquire is something that I’m passionate about. I didn’t choose to go into this profession because of the money. I could care less about that. I mean, if I make some money, great. If I don’t, that’s fine too. I can’t see myself working for some strict firm or anything like that. I can see me doing freelance work, creating my own business hours, working from home. I want to have a life outside of my job. I want to travel and see the world. I want to take road trips and vacations to amazing places like Australia or Venice.
I don’t want to be confined.
I’m a child of the world.

Heavy topic for the first post.

Single.
It’s been that way for awhile. Without getting into a huge thing, I’ll give you a brief history of what happened.
I wanted to date this guy and eventually got to. Then he realized that he was gay and didn’t want to jerk me around so he told me. I got super upset because I was in love with him. I ended up in a huge depression and ever since then I haven’t tried again.
Plus, I’m worried about getting through school. I know that seems like I’m playing it safe by saying that, but I’ve always thought that my education was the most important thing in my life. On top of that, it’s art school. Not some school where you study for an exam and that’s it. We do shit here. Plus I work.
On top of that, I have some moral things that I need to work out. I’m both vegetarian and straight edge. I’ve always thought that I could never date anyone that wasn’t either of those, but I’m learning that I may have to compromise. Which is the lesser of the two evils? I mean, I would like to have both and hopefully I can, but right now it doesn’t seem very realistic. If I had to choose, I would make sure that he didn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs. That would definitely come over being vegetarian.

Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favorite tumblrs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month